First things first, before you even get in the car to go to the store with your kids M A N A G E your expectations. A grocery store trip with 4 kids is not for the faint of heart. I have gone weekly with a 6, 4 and 2 year old leading up to the birth of our newest gem. And I have since braved the store with the newborn in tow as well.
It is not a sprint, it is very much a paced marathon event, but also includes the max effort for the last leg just like a race. Now that we’ve gotten that out in the hair, remember surviving and thriving are two different things but not always mutually exclusive.
Never take multiple kids into the store without a prepared list before hand. This is paramount, it’s simply because children are persistent, consistent and resistant to all attempts to divert their attention. And stores are designed to attract their desire to purchase everything within their reach. Hence forth, go with a list. And never deviate from the list. Make this a practice so your kids just know, they just know not to ask for the lunchable, the fruit snacks, the cookies, the crackers, the cool bowl with the straw built in for cereal and so on. It helps if the list is organized based on the way you plan to walk through the store. This helps with efficiency and creates a smooth relatively seamless approach to shopping.
Give them a meal or a snack before heading to the store. Or if you allow snacks in your vehicle, give them a snack for on the way to the store. Hungry children are like sleepy children they are gremlins and impossible to reason with.
Park near a cart corral. Like next to or across from. This is important. And if the store has an entrance and an exit door, park near a cart corral on the exit side. Sure this makes for a longer walk into the store but it helps on the back half of your trip when everyone is over it.
Before leaving the vehicle, put a good dose of fear into your children. This can be however you’d decide based on whatever works for you. For us? I tell my children “someone bigger, stronger and faster than you will use this opportunity of being in a crowded store, with a mommy that’s trying to shop to steal you. And they will either take you far far away or mommy will catch them and kill them. So either you never see us again because you're kidnapped or you never see mommy again because I’m in jail for killing the person who tried to take you. So YOU MUST FOLLOW THE RULES”. Is this harsh? Yes absolutely. Is it far fetched? No. No it’s not. I would absolutely at a minimum attempt to kill any person that tried to abduct my kids. Even on their annoyingly inquisitive days.
Once you’ve got them terrified to leave your side, assign jobs to each of them. These jobs give them purpose and require their attention. They can range from holding the grocery list, making sure no one stands in front of the cart so we don’t run anyone over, holding the keys, telling us where to go next and so on. But this is KEY, the only person that can do the picking out of the groceries, is mom. Because if you are deluded enough to think your kids will politely and respectfully take turns selecting things from the shelves, you must also come prepared for the brawl that will undoubtedly occur in the middle of the grocery isle when they don’t agree on a flavor, color, cracker or bag. Just do yourself a favor and be the designated picker of all things. It’s also important to let go of your control a bit and actually let the kids do the job you’ve given them, they will sniff out your strategy and ambush your smooth sailing grocery trip if they think, even for a moment, that you’ve given them a bogus job just to keep them busy.
If you have a child that pees often, is in the process of potty training or will have to go in the store, bring a kids Potty in the car and make them pee before you leave the vehicle. As a standing rule all of my kids must go to the bathroom before we leave the house for anything and my 2 year old has to attempt to pee before we go into any stores. Taking multiple kids into a public bathroom is totally doable it’s just not my favorite thing to do.
Wear the smallest child if possible. Ditch the car seat, it takes up too much space in cart. Put one in the cart seat and everyone else must always be touching the cart. And ditch the cool carts where the kids can pretend to drive, they will fight over who is driving, which side they will sit on and so forth. It’s much easier to just give them a job, wear the smallest child and the next smallest goes in the cart seat. Which reminds me some stores have amazing carts with TWO cart seats! Aldi is where it’s at y’all. If you’re really bogged down with multiple little little ones, I’ve been known to push a stroller while pulling a cart. See picture at bottom for visual. Let’s circle back to managing the expectations, you children will absolutely push and pull the cart ever so slightly toward whatever direction their attention seems to be. This may slightly infuriate you but it’s the safest way to keep them all near you and within eyesight yet also out of the way of shopping for both you and other patrons. It’s sort of like a leash for your kids, only in reverse because they are holding the cart instead of the cart holding them, and people won’t look at you like you’re inhumane for having your kids hold onto the cart.
Have a treat prepared. This can be a sucker for everyone that does well (I usually keep dumdum suckers in the center console of the van for this purpose) or a specific treat you’re willing to buy at the store. This incentive helps them remain on track.
At check out they key is to finish strong. You have to let them feel like they are helping. Reserve a few items for each child to put on the belt themselves. Will this take time? Yes. Will other shoppers scoff and change checkout lines? Probably... are those shoppers the one that has to deal with unruly children losing their minds at the check out? No, they are not. So do what works for you and to hell with the impatient people behind you, again this is a marathon not a sprint. You knew going into this it wouldn’t be a quick in and out and with multiple children in tow you gave no such illusion to anyone else that it was going to be a quick anything either. Shame on them for doing anything other than clapping and saying “job well done”. Let the kids help, it keeps them excited and feeling important.
When it comes time to load the groceries into the vehicle, load the kids first, I know what if someone steals your whole cart full of food? Well then they needed it more then you, because your kids starting the forever long process of getting into their seats and buckling is more important. There, in the vehicle they are safe. Then load the groceries into the back or around the children whatever your preferred method is. Plus, this is the secret here, by the time you finish loading the groceries, at least half of the children SHOULD in theory, be buckled.
Return the cart to the cart corral. Just do it. Don’t be that guy that doesn’t. And since you parked so close you can do it with the kids in the vehicle in eyesight, no matter how hot or cold they won’t be in danger because its roughly ten steps away.
Go forth with confidence yall, but need I remind you, as Eisenhower once said “plans are nothing but planning is everything”. The best we can do is be prepared and confident all the while knowing full well our children may hijack the trip all together leaving us clawing just to get through it alive and in one functional piece.
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