Last week Tanner and I were in the kitchen talking and the girls were playing on the couch laughing and then it quickly turned into yelling. This is not uncommon.
But, Emmy started yelling “get off me” we look over because Carolynn has a tendency to not listen when Emmy says no or stop. This almost always results in Emmy hitting Carolynn which is most definitely a well earned hit but still requires a certain... finesse to correct.
Anyway T H I S time Carolynn was sitting on top of Emmy shoving a pillow on her head. Essentially smothering her.
Tanner and I yell, in unison to get off of her. Shouted “you could kill her!!” And Carolynn bursts into tears running into the other room. Emmy pops up from under the pillow and asks for a blanket all innocent because she’s cold. Good grief. After I had a minute to calm my racing heart, I walked over to Carolynn to explain the following:
You have to stop when people say stop. No means no and get off means quite literally get off.
You can’t put things over people faces and hold them there. That’s how murderers kill people. We can’t kill people.
Do you know how my child responded?
Obviously you don’t that’s clearly a rhetorical question.
This 6 year old sass pot looks at me with tears in her eyes doing her ugly cry. This I realize sounds mean and awful, horrendous really but my 6 year old is very very dramatic and when she’s genuinely in pain she has a cry, but when she’s throwing a fit she has an entirely different cry. It’s the ugly cry, it’s obnoxiously dramatic, long face, touted lips but open mouth where sometimes she might even drool a bit. It’s a thing. It annoys me. I often tell her to stop her ugly cry before I smack it off her face. Which obviously I don’t ever actually do. You know, the more I write about my parenting style the more I realize it’s a bit harsh. I really need to work on that.
Lord, I am flawed and I am broken. I’m a mess when it comes to controlling my temper and anxiety and you know this. Please, instill in me the peace the holy spirit brings, the grace and mercy you extend me and the ability gently and lovingly guide my children on the path which leads To you. Help me to raise decent humans Lord, and to be a better one myself. Amen.
Ain’t nobody too busy for a quick prayer ya’ll.
Back to the story
. . . through her ugly cry she says “but I just don’t like when she tells me to get her stuff”
Flabbergast. What type of sociopath says they smothered someone because they asked for something! Something normal like a blanket! I yelled, because if ever a time called for yelling I truly feel this may have been it “I don’t care! That doesn’t mean you can try to kill her!!”
These are girls we are talking about! I’m not talking about boys! I’d expect this of boys! I’d expect boys to be sharpening various objects just to see if they could stab each other with them.
But girls? I mean they are vicious! Like wild animals!
In all seriousness, she had no idea the gravity of the extent of potential danger in that situation. I don’t think the concept of killing someone has even really formed concretely in her mind. And she was clearly remorseful based on her sobbing. In fact when I went to talk to her again, after the shock had worn off a bit. She started her real cry. Not the ugly one. And she said she doesn’t like hearing about what she did because it makes her feel really bad and she didn’t mean to hurt Emmy.
I held her close and smiled over her head because I don’t think I could make this stuff up if I tried. She is the fiercest lover of my children, the best big sister and the most emotional. She wears her heart on her sleeve and while she occasionally loses her mind, for the most part she loves unapologetically and she deeply feels for others. Sometimes annoyingly so especially when it’s for inanimate objects like bear or her doll.
It wasn’t but 12 hours later when Emmy was annoying Carolynn and wouldn’t leave her alone so Carolynn scratched her. While this is not the ideal response, Emmy did sort of deserve it. Anyway Tanner tells Carolynn not to scratch, Emmy storms off mad. Then Emmy comes back into the room and raises her foot like she’s about to curb stomp her sisters face but changed tack and stomped on her ribs twice instead.
I know that I just prayed about being a better human and openly admitted maybe I’m a bit harsh in my parenting style. I mean in my approach to how I speak to my children. I’m the mom that starts counting and when I get to 2 I say “ let me get to 3, I D A R E you!” Like what am I really going to do to my kids, but it works! It’s menacing yes but I’m not out here trying to smother my kids or curb stomp them. Thats not a learned behavior from mom and dad. Although I’m sure there is some child psychologist that would read my post and say “how we speak to our children desensitizes them to acceptable behaviors. Our words are only steps away from actions. And they have consequences that are far reaching, more so than we intend or imagine” which is why I avoid articles about “10 habits of healthy parenting” listen if my kids are alive, decent humans and love God, I can’t be that messed up right?
I digress.
They (the girls) are used to this obnoxious escalation of force though because Carolynn didn’t break her gaze from the cartoon she was watching (sue me my kids watch 1 hour of cartoons in the morning so I can drink my coffee in peace) . Tanner reprimanded Emmy who quickly touted “but she scratched me!” To which Tanner reminded her “it’s not an eye for an eye Emmy! Thats not how this works”.
I’m telling you girls are vicious and not a single one of my children (save for Raelynn but give her a year or two) is innocent.
I most definitely did not handle the situation like a professional. I never claimed to be one. Mind you this was 9 days into having 4 children.
Pray.For.Us.
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