“Get off of me. Leave me alone.” Love, Mom.

By 1500 most days, I am fatigued in every way possible.

I am tired of the constant “me want you” whines, the constant hanging on of my legs, climbing onto me only to bicker and fight while still on my lap. The digging of elbows into my milk swollen and incredibly sore boobs, not just once but over and over again like the sorest part of my body is the absolute best part to anchor all of their weight to move.

I am tired of tripping over kids every time I turn around in the kitchen when I am either cleaning up from the last snack or meal, or I am making the next snack or meal. They are always under my feet. If I sit down, a living being is always on top of me, a combination of children and the cat or dog. I am never not being poked, prodded or having my space invaded.

I am so tired of everything being a race or competition! Of hands reaching around you or little bodies pushing, nudging slightly to get a step ahead or out the door faster. I am tired of being cut off and interrupted. Of being asked for help only be interrupted and told how to help.

By 1500 I am tired of the dramatic whining and fights over everything. Polished turds, unpolished turds, real things that happened or hypothetical situations. They will fight over everything. I get so triggered when my kids yell/whine cry repeating the same phrase over “I (gasp and yell) CAnT (gasp and yell) STOOOOOOOP (wailing)“ and then just make these loud absurdly obnoxious noises. I have been known to, in my calm moments, say “I will not come get you until you calm down” and in my worst parent moments “shut the F**** up! No one wants to hear it! Go cry somewhere behind a closed door!!!!”.

I can‘t take the noise, the noise for no reason other then needing attention. Some level of me realizes they just need held, but the fight or flight part of my primal brain wants to fight and has to step back or I‘ll snap.

I am tired of being split in every direction. Of answering rapid fire questions because no one takes turns and everyone interrupts. Tired of reprimanding kindly and saying “wait your turn, that was rude”. Tired of giving warnings “this is making me very angry, I don’t want to yell, you don’t want me to yell, so we need to stop this now before it goes any further”. Tired of repeating myself like I am talking to the walls, if it’s not one of the kids it’s for the daggum dog.

I am tired of constantly carrying more then my arms are meant to. A baby, a hakkaa, school supplies, blankets, toys, bags, water bottles, phone, coffee cup, keys, the dog, the cat, my pockets are full and overflowing, I have things hanging off my finger tips balanced just right to take a ride up or down the stairs to find their home. I miss the care free days of walking without stuff in my hands.

I am tired of all the noise. Of kids that yell when they are mad, sad, happy, excited, bored or just to see what noises they can make. I am tired of hearing my own voice by 1500.

I am tired of giving very clear directions over and over not because they are complex but because kids only half listen. Tired of when kids say “nope it’s not there” when it’s right infront of their face.

Of FINALLY getting the very sleepy baby to doze off only to have the other three take turns coming in very concerned. They rush in, out of breath, or quietly tip toe in, knowing they shouldn’t be there making noise, but they just have this pressing matter to convey to me. It always wakes the baby, it has yet to actually be important and it never fails to happen. Every. Day. Every, Nap.

By 1500 I am tired of giving myself and my attention to everyone for everything. I don’t want those sweet snuggles not because I don’t love my children but because I don’t want to be touched. By that time in the afternoon I need a time out. I need a quiet corner with no one and nothing touching me. With no one needing me, with no adults talking to me to ask questions or requiring a functional conversation. I need time to just be, to recharge because my kids don’t ever stop needing me.

So we have quiet time and nap time at 1400 every day. This is to stop ME from snapping. It’s more me that needs it then my kids.

So please, do not ask me to do anything in the very very special quiet time that is carved into our daily routine. I may seem fine when I am oit during that time but know when I get home my entire being is struggling to be calm and collected. Don’t be offended when I decline things during the morning because of homeschool and during nap time because I need it. It’s not you it is me.

Sometimes as moms, we just need people to get off of us, get away from us, and leave us the heck alone so we can remember what it is like to sit, breathe and just be ALONE.