Valentine’s Day. It’s the dreaded day by most husbands around the US. For mine it’s double the anxiety. This is not because I place a burden of expectation on the day, but also because my birthday falls on the 12th.
He was actually looking forward to Raelynns scheduled delivery on the 11th so he could skip out on needing to do anything for my birthday.
I don’t know where he gets this pressure for a perfect day but it makes me laugh every year. Starting mid January he asks “what do you want for your birthday and Valentine’s Day”
Because when your birthday is close to a holiday, they are by default, smooshed together.
I think he’s intimidated by my romantic nature. I have read more historical romance novels than I can count. My mother routinely cautioned me not to believe that none sense as reality.
And like most women I love a good romantic comedy! I mean honestly I think at this point Tanner has learned to appreciate a well written and produced Rom Com.
All that to say, I think he thinks I expect rose pedal baths and flowers, chocolates and a massage.
Well . . . Actually a massage would be nice. Let’s be 100000000% real a massage without any expectations attached to it. Y’all get what I’m saying right?
I digress. What I’d love for Valentine’s Day, is to feel appreciated in all the things I do. To know he sees me in not just the big things but in the folded laundry I do every day. In the semi clean bathroom and fully cooked meals. To know that even though I’m not the rock solid, perky, wrinkle and grey hair free young woman he married, I am still the one he loves AND lusts after.
I don’t know if men read this or not. Probably not I mean the blog has motherhood in the title. But ladies show your husbands this:
She wants to feel seen, heard, valued, loved AND lusted after. Yes even when she’s in yoga pants or three day old jeans, a shirt that is too big and may smell a little like whatever she cooked last and a messy bun that isn’t a perfectly style top knot.
Tanner has never been a grand stand show of romance kind of guy. When he proposed I was actually about to lose it on him. I was walking out of nursing classes in the middle of a Mobile Alabama summer. It was hot and he normally picked me up from class so I wouldn’t have to walk the half mile back to the dorms in the sweltering smothering southern heat. But this particular day I didn’t see his Jeep. And I was huffing and puffing thinking if this joker forgot and now I have to sweat and be miserable on this walk back, if he is napping so HELP him Lord, pray for his safety.
He walked right up to the base of the stairs, got down on one knee and proposed.
Ironically enough my dad congratulated me two hours prior, when I asked for what he said something about a nursing test that didn’t make any sense. Turns out he knew Tanner was going to pop the question.
My point here is, even in the big moments, the opportunities to go all out, super cheesy and predictable, Tanner has not, nor will he ever be a man of grand gesture romance. And I have always known this.
The first attempt he had at a grand gesture was in college. We hadn't been dating long, he had me get in his jeep and wouldn't tell me where we were going. We drove forever, literally into the night and ended up at the beach. It was about an hour drive so not really that long. But as we stepped out onto the sand and started walking and talking with our feet in the water (the gulf coast water is weirdly warm in the summer, especially when you're used to the east coast beaches) he kissed me and then sort of sighed as he looked out at the water like he was frustrated. I asked him what was wrong and he said "we were supposed to be here for sunset". I laughed out loud and said "well we made it just in time for darkness and its perfect anyway".
In the beginning of our marriage part of me wanted those gestures. Somehow expected him to suddenly morph into a different man that understood how to do them. I had this expectation knowing full well that for three years we dated there had not been huge romantic gestures and to suddenly expect them was both unrealistic and unfair.
But now? If he did something like that I would instantly wonder what he was apologizing for, or what upcoming deployment, PCS or job change he was about to drop on me.
I have learned the significance of the romance in the small things. Like when he gets up with the girls to watch cartoons and let’s me sleep in. Although he sleeps in just on the couch. I get to stay in bed. Or when he brings coffee upstairs for me and let’s it cool on the dresser while I shower, making it the perfect drinking temperature by the time I get to it.
I don’t need grand gestures. I just need my husband that sees me in the small stuff, loves me and lusts after me. So even though it can be obnoxious when your grown husband giggles when he walks behind you and says “I like your butt”, it’s also endearing because it means he was looking at your butt.
Or when you’re a week post partum, still wearing pads for that never ending period that is post partum bleeding, boobs are engorged and painful, hairs a mess and there may or may not be baby feces somewhere on your person, but you get undressed to shower and he stops mid sentence to watch muttering something about how many weeks and days it is until the hallmark 6 week cleared for take off date given by the OB provider.
Valentine’s Day.
The image Hollywood projects. The cards, the movies, the commercials. I mean it’s nice, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Because Valentine’s Day over here is unplanned, unfiltered, full of laughter, love and corny jokes. And to be honest, it just doesn’t get any better than that.
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